Guest at Party: "Yes, Why is it there are so many unmarried women in their 30's now then Bridget?"
Bridget: "Oh I don't know.....suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our whole bodies are covered in scales...."
It's at that point that I turn round and say "Have you got fat or are you pregnant....again?" Let's just talk about something else shall we...
People often annoy me. Not in a serious way but in a way that stimulates my lesser qualities needs for mischief. So when faced with questions as to why I'm single AND in my 30's I often decide to play devious.
Some retorts to those conversations: -
* Well, I don't seem to have much time for it when most of my time is made up of Devil worshipping and Delia Smith's home cooking recipes.
* I'm just waiting for the right girl to come along and whisk me off my feet.
* I'm too wasted on Meth and Ouzo to care most of the time.
* Didn't your husband tell you? I felt sure he would as he told me that he would stand by me...
It's like the most exclusive club you can hope to be in without hoping to be in it. The couples club.
Usually I try not to retaliate. I smile and laugh and join in the conversation remembering that I am NOT yet a Stepford wife with buttons instead of a brain.
They flock in pairs, chittering (chatting and twittering) amongst the others in their pride about useless things that don't concern me and expect ME to be on trial for my choices??
They seem to think that I'm single because I haven't got my shit together or I have some sort of serious flaw but truthfully THEY couldn't be more wrong. The last 5 years have been somewhat crucial in my decision making process and instead of jumping into "the collective" I've decided to come to peace with myself first. Take care of myself, you know. *placates the angry gods by flogging herself with birch branches to the soothing sounds of chuch bells*
It's only when you take a time out that you see what you need to do and where you need to be. For me that is not discussing how the neighbour's house colour diminishes the look of the street, or how "beige" is in this year, or what family car hold the most fuel efficiency, or how so-and-so looks so awful now her husband left her.
I find that the collective forget to check out the smaller more insignificant things that would spark my interest but as a couple they feel embarrassed to be...well...simply themselves. It's funny how you spend your life wanting to be in a relationship with someone and then the other half wishing you hadn't.
On the upside of singledom, I can go where I please, when I please, I can wear what I like without having judgement thrust upon me. I can spend my days off how I want, where I want, and my evenings singing or writing or watching movies and TV. In essence, I am free to do whatever the fuck I want to.
On the downside, I do it alone.
The alternative however is far more horrifying. Getting paired up just for the sake of it...you know who you are. Can you imagine? If I were to try to do that I would probably end up with a drug dealing hippy who likes listening to Joe Cocker in his underpants whilst watching Jeopardy and living in a trailer park eating Doritos by the truck load.
Someone once told me that to know yourself inside and out is to be truly alive and I have to agree. If you know yourself well enough anything is possible and anything can and invariably will happen.
I'm not against couples at all. In fact, I'd love to be in one. But for me it has to be the RIGHT one. Not just a half hearted decision to be with someone. Been there done that. In truth, even at 31, I've made some of the most dreadful relationship mistakes EVER...
* Dated a guy who was in to feet..eeeewww
* Guy who was into serious drugs
* Guy who tried to drown me in a hot tub and almost succeeded
* Girl with psychotic tendencies
* Guy who liked to beat up girlfriends when he got angry
* Guys (plural) who did not want to commit
* Guy who was obsessive and overbearing
And many more...So you can see that I want to do it right next time round. Yes, I know..and I've psycho-analysed it all myself and I know now what went wrong with my choices of the past. I didn't like or respect myself enough. That's the truth. I always felt inadequate both in looks and personality. It's not my parents fault. I had a great childhood. It's something more than that.
I now know who I am and I'm fine with it to a point. I've never considered myself particularly attractive. I see great beauty each and every day (in people and things) and I don't think I've ever been able to compare myself to anything that amazing. It's another of my self-preservation psyches. I'd far rather just admit that I'm not terribly attractive but I make up for it in personality instead. To each their own and my abundance is clear to me. Funny and interesting over pretty, sounds okay to me.
So couples of the world, be kind. Us singles don't sit there wallowing. We sit with hope that we may find someone of our choosing and not because "you say so". We don't sit in the dark listening to Celine Dion (almost threw up a bit there) or singing crazy love ballads (unless it's Nat & Stitch's Karaoke night) whilst plowing our way through 6 litres of Haagen Dazs. We don't eagerly await Celebrity Love Island on TV or watch those shitty "made for TV" movies.
We are actual people with actual lives that are filled with a great deal of happiness, just like you. So next time we meet, don't be so quick to label us as the "monster under the sea". Smug couples finish last, didn't you know?.....
Sponsored by : Lonely Singles Suicide Hotline Tel: 1-800-JUST-JUMP or email us at www. losers-are-us.tv
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