It's been a while people, I mean, 3 months without posting is sacrilege! I don't know what the fuck I've been doing with my time! Anyway, welcome to my slanted and invariably rocky summary of the year. I have named 2010: The year of the Roadblock. Not monkey, or horse or whatever other bloody animal they're using. This is a completely honest run down on my life in 2010....
So I didn't meet Johnny Depp and have him fall madly in love with me, nor did I have Simon Cowell stumble across my voice whilst visiting the island and offer me a recording contract on the spot. I didn't win the Lottomax and I didn't win the Pulitzer Prize for my writing skills. However, some personal soul searching was done throughout this year and it's made me realise just who I really am...and you know what?? I'm pretty bloody stunned at what I found.
This year hasn't been without its up and downs, non-starters, rushing ins and completely fuck-wit moments and it's not really any different to any other year in that respect...other than at the start of the year, I promised myself to be positive and that "this year, THIS year I was going to have a great year and begin to move forward with my life". This is why I HATE New Years Eve...so much expectation for the start of a new year...so much pressure on having the perfect year that of course it's going to end up below expectations and really piss you off.
The year started off with a bang (no, not that kind you saucy thing!) and I was promoted in my job. I felt sure that this was the turning point of my life and a really great start to the New Year.
So I started in my new job and decided to buy a reliable car to make sure that I wouldn't have any car issues commuting. Two months in and my brand new car (first new car ever might I add) got hit by a 60ft truck leaving the parking lot of my workplace! This let me know that I was truly fucked on the Karma scale of good things a' happening. It still isn't fixed and is a constant reminder of why you should never feel too smug about your life being good around the New Year.
I've been on some dates this year...all have been complete disasters. I know what you're thinking now, and I SWEAR I have been really positive going on them and not in the slightest bit flaky. It certainly was not through lack of trying on my part that they did not gain any momentum from just being "dates" to "something else". I seem to be completely hopeless at anything that even remotely relates to my love life. A few dates, a few crushes and an attachment to someone special where the circumstances are sure to lead me to total heartbreak (a state I have felt too often before)...but that's another story, one that I will NOT be sharing so don't even ask. I REALLY REALLY suck at this...probably why I'm still single, as well as living life as a hermit AKA Crazy Cat Lady.
On the upside of my love life...I have had some wonderful times with my new BOB's and truly believe that my calling would be "vibrator tester". Not a title that one would want to put out on a resume but it's a fuck of a lot of fun. In the New Year I will be writing to some of the manufacturers and asking if I can be first to try out new products and in return will offer reviews for said products...something to do in my time off work (so to speak, ahem...). NB - If any manufacturers of such items happen to read this blog, I'm very skilled in testing your products and you can reach me at 1-800-ORGY-4ME.
I have consistently come up against roadblocks this year. It doesn't matter how completely positive I've been in all aspects of my life. Roadblocks in my work life, love life, social life...It's like March/April time on the roads where all local municipalities have to use up there funding by the end of the year so they get the same cash again for the following year...what do they do?..road maintenance, all at once, on every road. Slows down all vehicles. There's a really crass pun somewhere about travelling on the highways of life but I think it's a fucking given right?
My cat finally had her much anticipated operation. Perhaps now I will not have to suffer the incessant humping of furniture, doors or body parts and the wailing much like that of a porn star getting DP. I'm very pleased she's fixed and I'm sure as soon as February (on-heat) time comes around she will be too.
I've learnt many many lessons this year. The most important is that "to be enlightened is to lighten up"...Hey, If I wasn't laughing so hard at myself I'd be laughing at you so be thankful. I've learnt more about who I am as a person in one year than I have in 30 odd years.
I'm a tough cookie...and the more you throw at me the more I come back fighting. I can handle the worst of the worst as long as it doesn't relate to my love life (weak spot right there) and I'll keep on fighting for everything I believe in and not sell out to the highest bidder for anyone. A very good friend summed it up. One day I said to her "I just don't know why it's me, you know, who continues to get all the shit all of the time?" She replied "Because you've got strong shoulders and you can carry the load"...you know what, I think she's right...even if she does lick my till ;o)
I realised this year that I have a great deal of compassion for the people in my life. This year has brought me a great many good friends that I'm so bloody fortunate to have met. They are not fair weather friends and I know that no matter where I am, or what happens in the future they will be there through thick and thin with me.
Despite my previous mis-conceptions about myself, I finally realised that I am high on life and I warrant most of this to living amongst kind hearted people living in a spectacular place. I NEVER take my home here on the island for granted. Every sunrise, every sunset, every weather condition, every road that I travel down, every mountain that I cross....it's all so breathtaking that it blows me away every time.
I am not making any New Years Resolutions...For starters that would imply that I have drastic changes to make and I decided I don't need to change a thing about myself (well...other than the rather large bouncy behind and a few extra pounds that could be burnt off by obtaining a sex life). Another thing is that a resolution is "resolute" which suggests extra stress and pressure at the beginning of the year...just what you need really!
I am going to state that in the New Year....I will continue to be as giving as I can be, have as much fun as I can in all aspects of my life, treat others as I would wish to be treated, and continue my quest to learn as much as I can about the world and it's inhabitants which helps provide me with more tolerance for things I do not understand. I will of course be trying to hook up with Johnny Depp and get a record deal from Simon Cowell as always...
