Do I have scales??? All singles do you know...

Guest at Party: "Yes, Why is it there are so many unmarried women in their 30's now then Bridget?"
Bridget: "Oh I don't know.....suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our whole bodies are covered in scales...."

It's at that point that I turn round and say "Have you got fat or are you pregnant....again?" Let's just talk about something else shall we...

People often annoy me. Not in a serious way but in a way that stimulates my lesser qualities needs for mischief. So when faced with questions as to why I'm single AND in my 30's I often decide to play devious.

Some retorts to those conversations: -

* Well, I don't seem to have much time for it when most of my time is made up of Devil worshipping and Delia Smith's home cooking recipes.

* I'm just waiting for the right girl to come along and whisk me off my feet.

* I'm too wasted on Meth and Ouzo to care most of the time.

* Didn't your husband tell you? I felt sure he would as he told me that he would stand by me...

It's like the most exclusive club you can hope to be in without hoping to be in it. The couples club.

Usually I try not to retaliate. I smile and laugh and join in the conversation remembering that I am NOT yet a Stepford wife with buttons instead of a brain.

They flock in pairs, chittering (chatting and twittering) amongst the others in their pride about useless things that don't concern me and expect ME to be on trial for my choices??

They seem to think that I'm single because I haven't got my shit together or I have some sort of serious flaw but truthfully THEY couldn't be more wrong. The last 5 years have been somewhat crucial in my decision making process and instead of jumping into "the collective" I've decided to come to peace with myself first. Take care of myself, you know. *placates the angry gods by flogging herself with birch branches to the soothing sounds of chuch bells*

It's only when you take a time out that you see what you need to do and where you need to be. For me that is not discussing how the neighbour's house colour diminishes the look of the street, or how "beige" is in this year, or what family car hold the most fuel efficiency, or how so-and-so looks so awful now her husband left her.

I find that the collective forget to check out the smaller more insignificant things that would spark my interest but as a couple they feel embarrassed to be...well...simply themselves. It's funny how you spend your life wanting to be in a relationship with someone and then the other half wishing you hadn't.

On the upside of singledom, I can go where I please, when I please, I can wear what I like without having judgement thrust upon me. I can spend my days off how I want, where I want, and my evenings singing or writing or watching movies and TV. In essence, I am free to do whatever the fuck I want to.

On the downside, I do it alone.

The alternative however is far more horrifying. Getting paired up just for the sake of it...you know who you are. Can you imagine? If I were to try to do that I would probably end up with a drug dealing hippy who likes listening to Joe Cocker in his underpants whilst watching Jeopardy and living in a trailer park eating Doritos by the truck load.

Someone once told me that to know yourself inside and out is to be truly alive and I have to agree. If you know yourself well enough anything is possible and anything can and invariably will happen.

I'm not against couples at all. In fact, I'd love to be in one. But for me it has to be the RIGHT one. Not just a half hearted decision to be with someone. Been there done that. In truth, even at 31, I've made some of the most dreadful relationship mistakes EVER...

* Dated a guy who was in to feet..eeeewww
* Guy who was into serious drugs
* Guy who tried to drown me in a hot tub and almost succeeded
* Girl with psychotic tendencies
* Guy who liked to beat up girlfriends when he got angry
* Guys (plural) who did not want to commit
* Guy who was obsessive and overbearing

And many more...So you can see that I want to do it right next time round. Yes, I know..and I've psycho-analysed it all myself and I know now what went wrong with my choices of the past. I didn't like or respect myself enough. That's the truth. I always felt inadequate both in looks and personality. It's not my parents fault. I had a great childhood. It's something more than that.

I now know who I am and I'm fine with it to a point. I've never considered myself particularly attractive. I see great beauty each and every day (in people and things) and I don't think I've ever been able to compare myself to anything that amazing. It's another of my self-preservation psyches. I'd far rather just admit that I'm not terribly attractive but I make up for it in personality instead. To each their own and my abundance is clear to me. Funny and interesting over pretty, sounds okay to me.

So couples of the world, be kind. Us singles don't sit there wallowing. We sit with hope that we may find someone of our choosing and not because "you say so". We don't sit in the dark listening to Celine Dion (almost threw up a bit there) or singing crazy love ballads (unless it's Nat & Stitch's Karaoke night) whilst plowing our way through 6 litres of Haagen Dazs. We don't eagerly await Celebrity Love Island on TV or watch those shitty "made for TV" movies.

We are actual people with actual lives that are filled with a great deal of happiness, just like you. So next time we meet, don't be so quick to label us as the "monster under the sea". Smug couples finish last, didn't you know?.....

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There's something out there.....

There are all kinds of things that you and I cannot explain out there and I used to think that this was generally confined to the paranormal...You know...ghosts, UFO sightings, government conspiracies, the popularity of the movie "Titanic" and the singer Celine Dion and the likes.

It occurs to me however that we should also be looking closer to home. The human condition itself...living, breathing, walking and talking are singularly not incredibly complex when you look at it, but when placed together with other humans doing the same thing something quite amazing can occur.

Sometimes you can feel it...the electricity in the air. If I walk into work and the place is on a downer I feel it to the point where it hurts... So, I go the opposite way and try to lift it. It's empathetic to me to work for the collective which in turn works for me. If they're happy, I'm happy. I have incredible social survival skills which allow me to tune in to what "the collective" needs to get the job done which therefore also fulfills my need. To some this may be called "pandering" or "kissing arse" to others it may be management skills, to some a new age theorem long since dead. It's all the same to me....a requirement to be met.

It's a singular purpose brought together by multiple ideals that I'm talking about and it's quite magical. Not in the Harry Potter teenage angst way but in the "Why does an object do the things it does?" kinda way. It fascinates me. Human psychology itself hangs in the balance of ideals made by the collective rather than one singular cell or organism and yet it takes a couple of solid ideas from singular brains to devise a collective.

No...I haven't been smoking pot...Just very philosophical today. I'm a social philanthropist who has a systematic weakness of empathy and I guess I picked that up from life's little journeys thrown at me in a very random and curious manner.

What sparked off this post???...I can understand connections made when people are face to face. You know, finishing someones sentences is something that doesn't happen too often but DOES happen. Why? Body language, a clear purpose of conversation and meaning, and a like minded personality.

Today, a friend continued a conversation by Facebook without any hints, gestures or pre-determined efforts on my part and without me even having pieced together sub-text in my own thoughts of why I'd posted a picture on my page, I didn't even realise until later...Is that even possible?? Face to face, yes. Over the magical interweb?? I did not know that was even possible.....

I think it's safe to say that we are all far more connected than we realise or choose to see. When forming bonds, we sub-consciously choose people who are similar to ourselves. Whether it be intellectual affirmation (background, language, commonality of beliefs) or physical ( height, eye colour, posture, gestures), we choose with a singular purpose... to meet our expectations and needs (Maslow's hierarchy of needs).

I sound like a mad scientist right now and I don't mean to but I'm typing whilst my thought process allows so bear with me.

It's pretty cool really. To think that your life is surrounded by a pre-requisite of like minded people with a common strength is pretty spectacular. You may not be able to quantify it like you can looking at the moon and stars or seeing a new life emerge but it's what we don't see that should also make us wonder and impress us.

The close bonds that we form in any instance are the one's to wonder at. How someone else can "get" us is pretty much what it's all about. So for those of you who are huge "facebook friend" collectors....How many of those people that you added actually really KNOW YOU?? How many contact you on a regular basis with more than a "cute pic" remark?? Why not have a spring clean of your collection and sort the "friends" from the "not so much". It's not a status symbol to have 875 facebook friends in fact, on the contrary, that would suggest to me that you don't know yourself well enough to know who your real friends are.

We're all kinda like onions......*reeling at how immature and uneducated that one sounds*...peeling back the layers of our lives is what we do when we get to know each other. The layers can be barriers, containing traumatic events and horrors which we'd sooner forget than have someone try to cut through. They can be like protective shields that secure us in our own skins and stop us from feeling enormous hurt from past and present. It's only our needs that keep the barriers there. The good stuff spills out automatically because we don't fear it.

When we feel at ease, we help to peel back a layer and in turn let something of ourselves release into the ether, helping us to move forward. I never realised that about myself until now. Like most people, I've built barriers around the complexities of life which I choose to forget and felt that I was inevitably protecting my arse from any serious harm in doing so.

As far as friends go, I stay true and loyal to my close friends and anything after close friends can wait in line for my allegiance.

The human condition and circumstance IS a wonder of the world. Lets try to use part of our busy schedule during the day to re-connect with those we are closest to. Being independent isn't enough. It's great until you realise that once again your sitting at home, alone with your cat (crazy cat lady scenario) or a TV show you care nothing about...

And in case you were wondering, Confucius say " Listen to Bridget...And your life will be full of joy...."