This blog is dedicated to my good friend Sandy...Without you Chickie, I would not have acquired the inspiration to push my life along with a giant set of weirdness even I cannot fathom.
The thing is...and I didn't realise until a few months ago that we are in total control of everything that goes on around us. Whether good or bad, chaos theory no longer washes with me after the weirdest of events and circumstances of the past couple of months. I would normally suggest that these things were simply co-incidental or set by some strange dogma that exists in the universe...fuck me, I was wrong.
So I'll go onto that in a while...I need to fill you in on the story so far before I go off on a tangent of thoughts and process revolving around that one. Now I'll warn you, there will be a short bit of explaining and a little tangentism before I get to the funny story okay.
So it's been a while since my last blog and to tell you the truth, I wasn't sure I had any fresh material to cover so I stopped writing for a while. Let me start by saying that through challenging times I have found myself a great deal braver than I expected so, yay me!
My landlord decided he wanted to sell the house and gave me 2 months notice to vacate. Work was looking glum and hours scarce, money was incredibly tight and to top it all off I was feeling homesick. My sister was due to give birth and I wanted to be there which I feel was my main issue. I had a non-existent love life, no social life unless you count bob the wonderschlong and a cat who has several personalities and disses my drunken karaoke.
One day, I had a particularly bad day at work. My hours had been reduced again and I was barely surviving as it was and it had been a completely stressful day with people calling in sick and huge line ups at the store. I ended up in the back office with my managers sobbing my heart out and feeling completely done in. As I was leaving a good friend of mine suggested watching a movie that would "change my life" and to a certain extent it has.
I'm sure most of you know what I'm referring to so I won't go into it (saved you from that one Ev). It's about looking at things from a positive perspective and knowing that you can change your circumstances and lifestyle even to exactly how you want it. Everyone is free to do so and when I started to watch it later that night I thought "No Way!! This is some psycho-babble bullshit that I should not be watching as it's likely to piss me off even further".
I'm not one for religion...all that "praise be the Lord" higher on high, my shit don't stink because the Lord created me sort of thing is not my style. I'm not saying it's wrong for others and I don't judge, each to their own. I'm just saying it's not for me. It's the same with Oprah style TV shows and the shows that are specifically designed to make you buy a home gym or food blender or cosmetics that will make you look like Jackie Stallone. It's the indoctrination crap that I hate about it. I have my own mind, please for the love of God let me bloody use it. If I want a blanket, I'll go out and get one without sleeves or a hoodie. If I want beauty products I'll go to the store...not listening to some pimply teenage rocker tell me that even though she has access to beauticians, personal trainers and nutritionists she took the time to try out a "SOLD ON TV" product for a few minor skin issues!
So naturally I was entirely sceptical but the more I watched the more it made sense to me. Weirdness started to form straight after watching it. It's like the movie "The Ring" only you don't die after watching it or end up having your head smashed through a TV or drowning in a well. I logged onto Facebook which is pretty regular if not obsessive at times to see what was going on in cyberspace. I decided to play one of my online games and hit the jackpot straight away. Never happened before...but I wanted to test the theory.
I played for a while and then sent my sorry ass to bed, hugging a stuffed toy and crying. I should point out at this time that my landlord had sold the house and the new family had just moved in. Lovely South African couple with two kids that decided they wanted me to stay on as a tenant. They quickly endeared themselves to me. Mum and dad introduced me to the kids as "Auntie Natalie" and since their arrival the place has a new lease of life. We have baby lambs which I got to bottle feed, we have chicks for egg laying, we have chickens as meat birds (I have already been given a fresh one that was consumed days after slaughter) and they have also created a wonderful veggie patch and given me a specific area to grow what I want in...just magic.
So I'm in bed crying and as I'm somewhere between sleep and wake I hear music. It's a song played on guitar by the owner upstairs that only me and my family would really appreciate and not many people over here would know. It made me feel so much better, comforting me and was a sign of changes coming.
From there on in...change, change, change. Laugh as hard as you want at this but suddenly parking spaces became available to me at will...a small thing I'm sure but you have to admit entirely frustrating when you're on the receiving end of parking hell! Within the space of a month, I was offered another job working with an amazing chick. Not only an amazing person to work with but a truly great friend. It was one of the worst days, leaving my friends behind at my previous work but I know that they will remain friends and not so much a goodbye as I'll still bug them all the time!
My new workplace is really chilled out. 90% of the people I get on really well with but there are a few who hate my breathing living guts as I was chosen for the position instead of someone else. It bothered me at first. I'm a nice person I thought, why on earth would they be so catty? Now, I really don't give a flying fuck. I like my job, my surroundings, my friends so from a purely PC standpoint...they can kiss my born and bred British aaaarrrrse. In any future posts I will lovingly refer to them as the Bitches of Eastwick.
Since being at THIS job, I've had two other serious offers of work along with this one which as you will read, not so much. This one I'll tell you about which leads me back to the point, at long last eh....you've been waiting for me to get back to the funny right?
Okay back to the story...So about a week into the new job a British lady came through my till and as I'm prone to do got into my life story at the till and chatted with her whilst ringing in her groceries. She asked me if I would consider other employment options and asked for my number. I gave it to her. Silly really. She could have been a serial scam artist or some kind of swinging homicidal maniac but given that she was a Brit I figured those scenarios were less than likely.
So I got home from work the other day and there was a message on my machine from her asking to give her a call. I didn't know what she had in mind but have re-taught myself that every situation can be filled with a great deal of possibility so called her back. She talked with me for a good long hour about general subjects, living in Canada, my qualifications and the likes. She told me that she wanted to introduces me to her bosses the next day and would send me details of where to meet them.
This morning was the start of my weekend and in a fit of relaxation I very nearly cancelled going tonight. I was about to call the lady and make some kind of excuse not to go when I stopped myself and decided to make the effort. It was something different and I might like what I hear I thought. So I had a shower, got myself dressed nicely and left the house thinking if nothing else I look marvelous and might make some connections or learn something or perhaps find the job of my dreams. Don't get me wrong, I love where I'm working but there is never any harm in weighing up all possibilities when offered to you.
So I drove to Victoria, parked up and found the house. The house which was NOT a house. It was part of a complex. A complex which when I got to the door said "Use front entrance for access". It belonged to a high rise next door that they use as both residential and for conferences. When I approached the door I was met by my contact and her husband...so spy like, contact...Bridget 009 secret agent of Canadian Intelligence...now there's a job I want.
She greeted me by flinging her arms round me (weird as we had only met once) and introduced me to her husband and her husbands brother who seemed rather thrilled that he wasn't the third wheel in this scenario. They lead me through a few scarcely decorated corridors and we ended up in a pool area. I could only think that I would have preferred to be swimming with a nice cocktail at that point rather than being in a hugely uncomfortable situation with three strangers in an odd "shining" style accommodation with god only knows what intent.
A woman came by us and I was quickly introduced. She was a team leader. I had this sense that I had unwittingly stepped into a cult of some sorts. They were over-friendly, over pleasant, sort of Ned Flanders-esque. As we continued to walk through the halls to our destination they struck pleasantries with others who joined us. We finally ended up in a suite where I was met by the rest of the Brady bunch.
The room seemed to be filled with two types of people. The first, Eco-friendly, tie yourself to a tree, huge grinning, seeing dollar signs, love and hugs capitalists...and yes, I realise the irony to that statement. The other seemed to be made of very indecisive, insecure, unsure, uncomfortable, regular grinning not so much hugging folks who barely knew what they were there for. As soon as I walked in I realised I was brought in as the latter. A sacrificial lamb so to speak. THIS was not a job interview...it was from my gathering of the facts a sales pitch.
So I'm standing in a room filled with sardines and sharks and I'm looking round for escape routes. I'm introduced round the room to all and sundry. Then one of the main guest speakers, a homeopathic doctor gives me an odd looking bottle of liquid and tells me that this is what they're here to talk about and please try it. It turns out, the job involves an amazing all-natural wonder drug from a pharmaceutical organisation. It's made from vegetables and fruits and plants and shit and blah blah blah properties and it's really good for you.
Whilst taking a sip of the hugely sweet insipid flavour of the liquid it occurred to me that I didn't know what it was...for all I knew it could be some kind of mind control experiment that made me buy "AS SEEN ON TV" products. The homeopath winked at me and said "ready to make some money?" and as the comedic words lay hanging in the air almost in a cartoon style speech bubble I was desperate for some small vision of clarity and normality and common sense to prevail.
No sooner had I thought this, a guy walks in greeted by my Brit. He looked normal...well actually, he looked more than normal. He was in fact quite pretty. She brought him over and introduced him to the homeopath and then to me. The tragic part of this story is that I cannot for the life of me remember his name. That's seriously fucked up.
The leader asked him what he did for a living and he said he was a carpenter. "Aaaahhhh, Jesus was a carpenter" says the homeopath. At this I must have rolled my eyes in a very conspicuous manner as he smiled at me in re-assurance that he was not one of the children of the corn. We were left alone, scanning the room and finally started talking. It transpires that he is from Nanaimo and moved to Victoria recently. As we talked, he took off his jacket to reveal a lovely toned strong sturdy body, well tanned as you'd expect from a tradesman. I was almost apoplectic and tried very hard not to stare at him or for that matter feel him up on the spot. Although that may have made the night far more interesting.
It turns out that he had come along as he had a torn muscle in his shoulder and was told by my Brit that this product could help him greatly. I commented to him that I felt it may be some kind of pyramid scheme involving parting with money and that I really didn't know what I was doing here. He laughed and said he had been very unsure. We sat down together amongst the oddities of people and believers who were set to convert us on the magical healing properties of nature and he told me that he had tried all manner of things for his shoulder.
Seeing the opportunity and knowing how cheeky I am (you know, you really know) I advised him that I had a diploma in massage and it might help. He he he he. The meeting started with a promotional video followed by speakers and life believers, and motivationalists and professionals there to sell the concept. As soon as the pyramid came onto the over head, I looked at him, he looked back at me and we burst out in snigger's of quiet laughter. Mutual discontent is a wonderful thing to bring people together sometimes. I told him that I felt I was being administered into some kind of cult and it was the strangest interview I'd ever had.
It was supposed to go on for an hour...it went on for almost 1.45 minutes and 26 seconds. When they were finished, he got up as quickly as I did (the chairs were painful to sit on, as if the presentation wasn't painful enough). I made the comment that I had hoped they had put cyanide in the formula before they started the presentation but unfortunately they forgot. He laughed with me as we talked for a few moments and then said he had to go and catch the grocery store before it closed. With that, he was gone, leaving me to explain to the Brit that this was not my cup of tea...so to speak.
She seemed really disappointed so I re-assured her that I was very grateful to her for asking me to come and that the product looked great but I just wasn't in a position to buy it and forward the "magic" on to others. I was with her for 5 or 10 minutes and then left. As I traversed the halls I felt a pang of disappointment that my cohort had left. I reached the front doors and began to walk outside. There he was, standing there waiting for me. We talked as we walked down the road and he asked me for my number.
I gave it to him and noticed that he had in fact remembered my name even though I was searching to remember his. He said "well I'm not sure if a massage will do the trick with this injury but would it be okay to call you?" As usual Bridget blushed up bright red, giggled uncontrollably and said yes of course. He thanked me for not having to endure the pain alone and told me we'd speak soon as he smiled and walked away.
As I walked back to the car, I was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
The point is, I was going to blow that off...spend the night in, like most nights. Changing the way we think about situations or life in general can lead to some of the most extraordinary experiences. There are things that I really want in life. A few of the things I really want, I won't get (Johnny Depp...you'll never know the warm hands of the Brit, sigh) but if you think positively enough about any given situation, you can put the wheels in motion for a happier healthier life and what you do affects others around you too so it also improves their lives....instinctively, positive attitudes can pay it forward to everyone. Butterfly effect right? It spreads, it's infectious. If my being a positive person can for one second make someone else's life a little more bearable then I'm all for it. If everyone did the same thing, can you imagine the difference in the world right now??
Positivity breeds...Crap, they should have asked for my resume and got me on the payroll eh. Motivational speaker!! I mean seriously, who the hell would not want this mind!! Bridget over and out...LOL
